Marriage in Arewa: Issues, Challenges, and Solutions

Participants at the second session of the SIF

Marriage in Arewa, the northern region of Nigeria, is an important cultural and religious ritual. However, like any other area, it has many concerns and obstacles. 

On Sunday, February 12, 2023, some selected brilliant minds gathered in Ahmadu Bello University Zaria for the second session of the Students Intellectual Forum (SIF) and intensely explored the topic, "Marriage in Arewa: Issues, Challenges, and Solutions."

At the start of the session, Sani Musa Ibrahim, the chairman, and moderator delivered a warm welcome address before journalist Aliyu Jalal gave a thought-provoking opening speech. During his remarks, Aliyu not only explored the processes of marriages in Northern Nigeria but also drew attention to rising divorce rates and marital strains in the area, giving greater context to the topic at hand. He also posed questions on the root causes, including issues with marriage views, social media, excessive wedding spending, gender roles, and unrealistic expectations from couples. His remarks sparked creative ideas and set the tone for the entire session.

Following the opening presentations, a dynamic and insightful conversation unfolded as participants exchanged experiences and viewpoints on the topic. The forum studied several key issues and challenges and offered potential solutions, which are summarized below.

ISSUES: 

In recent years, marriages in Arewa have been plagued by several issues, causing difficulties for many couples. Peer pressure/forced/early marriage, excessive Kayan Lefe (cosmetic and clothing expectations), poor courtships, unrealistic sexual expectations, and the illegal use of aphrodisiacs by women are among the key problems identified during the session. Other issues include a lack of married women's empowerment, cleanliness of body parts, lack of appreciation, psychological abuse, and the power dynamic between couples.

The forum has acknowledged that peer pressure represents a significant challenge facing the marital institutions in Arewa. Men and women are rushed into marriage just because they saw their friends getting married. This pressure to conform to societal expectations and norms often leads to quick and unplanned marriages which causes a great deal of tension and conflict as couples battle to balance their desires and demands with those of their community. 

Moreover, there is a high prevalence of early and forced marriages, especially among young females. This practice, which is largely motivated by poverty and cultural beliefs, robs young girls of their childhood, education, and chances for personal growth. It also exposes them to hazards such as domestic violence, sexual abuse, and maternal death. 

Another problem that plagues Arewa's marriages is over-expectation. Many couples have unreasonable anticipation of what their marriage should be like, and when reality falls short of those expectations, they become unsatisfied and unhappy. Participants feel that this will lead to communication breakdowns and a lack of closeness between spouses.

Another factor that has been identified as generating problems in Arewa marriages is poor wooing behavior. Participants said that proper courting goes beyond just going on dates. They feel that many prospective couples do not spend enough time getting to know one another before marrying, which leads to so many misunderstandings and conflicts later on.

Sexual compatibility is a significant concern that contributes to marital problems in Arewa. This issue has affected numerous marriages in the region. Aisha Muhammad Hassan, a participant, elaborated on how women's sexual desires tend to diminish over time.

Similarly, illicit aphrodisiac (Kayan Mata) usage by women is another issue that creates complications in Arewa marriages. For example, in Arewa, it is now a new norm to improve women's sexual efficiency by consuming these substances in excess before even going into her matrimonial home. However, studies found that excessive use of these drugs leads to sex organ deterioration and the woman will become too reliant on them, resulting in a collapse in their marriages. On the other hand, men are also found using comparable aphrodisiacs, resulting in similar consequences.

During the session, a significant topic of debate was the lack of empowerment for married women. The majority of participants agreed that women should have the opportunity to become economically powerful, as they feel dominated by their male counterparts within their union. Abdullahi Ibrahim Jalo asserted that power dynamics play a crucial role in all marriages, and when one partner has more control or power than the other, it can result in resentment and dissatisfaction. Ultimately, this can lead to the dissolution of the relationship.

Lack of appreciation, as well as psychological abuse, are key problems in Arewa marriages. When one spouse fails to recognize the other's efforts or participates in emotional abuse, it may lead to resentment and a collapse in the relationship. Malam Ibraheem A. Waziri reminded the participants of a phrase by Erik Krasner that "courtesy is to ignore the broken fence and admire the flowers in the garden.

CHALLENGES: : 

Several obstacles were identified by the participants as the major challenges facing marriage in Arewa but chiefs among them included a lack of communication, trust concerns, polygamy, and economic insecurity.

Lack of communication between spouses is one of the common critical issues in Arewa marriages. Are you communicating? The participants inquired. Many couples in Arewa fail to communicate properly with one another, resulting in misunderstandings and confrontations. This communication gap is often caused by cultural and societal norms that discourage open communication between a husband and wife.

Another significant challenge facing couples in Arewa is the difficulty they experience in establishing trust in their relationships. This is primarily due to the region's prevalent cases of extramarital affairs, as well as the absence of transparency in financial matters. In most instances, husbands assume the role of sole providers for the household, leaving their wives unaware of the family's financial situation. This lack of transparency results in a breakdown of trust and an atmosphere of suspicion between spouses.

Polygamy is another major issue in Arewa marriages. While Islam permits men to marry up to four wives, the practice has evolved to a scenario where some men take on more wives than they can appropriately cater for. Polygamous marriages sometimes result in jealousy and conflict among co-wives, as well as financial hardship for the husband, who must maintain numerous houses. In the end, the family will be separated, making it impossible to raise united children.

Economic insecurity is a huge obstacle in Arewa marriages. Many families in the region are impoverished and unemployed, making it difficult to care for their families. This financial stress causes tension and conflict between partners, as well as contributes to adultery and divorce.

SOLUTIONS:

To address these issues and challenges in Arewa, the Students Intellectual Forum has identified several key solutions to these prevalent complications in marriages. One of the most important measures presented was the necessity to apply strong penalties to discourage excessive divorce. The participants believe that individuals should be informed of the consequences of divorce and strive to work through their marital concerns before opting to break them. For example, if you are known for divorcing spouses like changing one's clothes, parents should not marry off their daughters to you. Because you are unsustainable to keep a family. 

In addition, the government is expected to take a big role in alleviating Arewa's marital troubles. The forum agreed that the government should offer couples who are having marital problems with the required help and resources. Marriage counseling services, financial support, and legal aid are examples of such assistance.

The Students Intellectual Forum also highlighted the necessity of understanding the Islamic principles of marriage. They claim that people should endeavor to follow Islamic teachings and practices in their married lives to avert many marital problems. Moreover, individuals should be discouraged from interpreting the teachings in a way that only appeals to their senses. 

Participants also encourage couples to keep their marital lives private. It is critical to retain a certain amount of privacy and avoid involving other parties in marital issues. Furthermore, when matters get out of hand, couples should only communicate with their parents, and the parents should have proper deliberation on the cases at hand. In other words, parents should give a fair hearing to both sides. Because doing so will help them amend the broken marriage appropriately. 

Another important suggestion by the Students Intellectual Forum is for prospective couples to focus on their "why" before getting married. Individuals should be honest with themselves and their partners about their expectations and be transparent about their reasons for wanting to marry. Before engaging in serious marriage discussions, likely couples are required to have strong reasons for their needs.

The participants also recommend parents and prospective couples be aware of the positive cultural standards that make marriage a desirable decision. Respecting cultural and religious rituals, as well as maintaining a certain amount of humility and decorum in one's conduct, are all part of this. Traditions that lead us backward should be abandoned in favor of those that promote long-term marital life.

Being consistent in one's day-to-day marriage is also important in avoiding matrimonial issues. Couples should strive to develop healthy and sustainable routines and habits that will aid in the maintenance of a happy and healthy relationship. Furthermore, the participants urge tolerance as an important component of a happy marriage. Couples must be willing to accept each other's differences and flaws and work together to overcome obstacles.

CONCLUSION: 

In conclusion, addressing the enormous problems mentioned above needs a collective effort from all parts of the community, including couples, families, religious leaders, and the government. The Students Intellectual Forum has recommended crucial measures to solve these difficulties, including adhering to Islamic teachings, keeping privacy in marriage disagreements, being cognizant of societal standards, and valuing communication, trust, and economic stability. By adopting these methods and working together, it is possible to establish a better and happier atmosphere for couples in Arewa.

Signed: 

Inuwa Adamu Lawan 

General Secretary, SIF 

Sani Musa Ibrahim 

Chairman, SIF