Navigating the Turbulence Waves of Marital Life and Other Relationships

From the shared testimonies of married couples and insights from marriage counselors, I understood that there are no married couples that can brag about their marriage being an endless hitch-free sailing. Even though differently, it’s almost akin to the highs and lows of a bachelor’s life. This uncomfortable reality is one of the many reasons that nudge us to imbibe the culture of patience and proper reactions to survive its turbulence waves. 

Yesterday, in the afternoon, during a taxi ride in Kano, I overheard the driver lambasting his wife over the phone. His tone and words were brimming with frustration because she hadn't informed him in advance about the finished state of some specific food items. He was annoyed with her and curtly said to prepare the dinner with whatever she had available, and abruptly ended the phone call before she even explained herself. His behavior makes me sick, knowing the fact that she’s his wife. She immediately called him back after he hung up on her, but he was too focused on his driving and told her to allow him to concentrate on what he was doing. 

As I listened to his belligerent conversation attentively,  I thought maybe he was stressed out from work or dealing with an inner issue that was taking a  huge emotional toll on him. Nevertheless, how he talked to her was utterly disrespectful and inappropriate. I also told myself that even though there are highs and lows in marital life, I thought it was a union with a shared responsibility to build a happy and prosperous family. 

After he ended the call for the second time, an awkward silence ensued. I was the only passenger sitting right next to him and felt compelled to have my say in a matter that I had nothing to do with. With a tender smile and unconvinced voice, I uttered, “Oga, she’s your wife, take it easy on her.” “Remember” I continued “she manages your house and takes care of your children, while you are at work.” I reminded him that nowadays specific things may skip her mind until they are immediately needed. That's when she'll realize that this and that has finished, and she can do nothing about it than to inform you right away. 

I expected the driver to interrupt and outrightly reject my unsolicited suggestion. But he responded with a plain “Thank you.” I was happy with the way he took my bland admonition, which made me compliment his response with “Babu damuwa acigaba da hakuri.”

My advice to married couples, especially husbands, is that whenever you are confronted with such a similar situation, I encourage you not to act on impulse. Allowing our impulsive reactions to get the better of us does us more harm than good emotionally and socially. You can simply and kindly respond with “OK, I heard what you said. I will call you later. This will save you the headache. Even if she’s the one who called back later, I can confidently tell you that you will deal with the issue amicably. I am aware that when you live on a budget, additional unexpected expenses could be frustrating. Nonetheless, reacting based on our sudden surge of frustration can injure our marriages and other relationships beyond repair. 

I hope this serves as a wake-up call for married and would-be married couples to act with understanding, decency, and respect when embroiled in a heated exchange. In the same vein, wives should remember that informing their husbands in advance of any shortages of their daily supplies, even for condiments like salt, is a great way to improve their mutual respect and understanding. May Allah bless us with the means to provide for our families and grant us the wisdom to act properly.